Those Self-Help Books

I woke up this morning with a lot on my mind. I really have total strangers on my mind. I have listed a bunch of my textbooks on eBay to see if I can sell them and upon doing so I also decided to clean out some of those books on my bookshelf that have been collecting dust. The books I decided to clean out included a small collection of what would be considered self-help books.

I re-read these titles and it makes me sad to think about what I was going through when I needed these books and now I pass them on to some other women who find themselves in need of words in print because they can't seem to grasp direction from their own mind of what they should do, or perhaps like me their mind expresses loud and clear what needs done to preserve sanity, dignity, self-respect, soul...but you choose to ignore. So, as I was packaging up one of the books I flipped through the pages and read some of the sections that I had highlighted. One small section really stood out to me...even today. It was a section on why couples fight and the underlying reason is because there are unmet needs in the relationship. I laid here this morning reflecting back on the ending of the relationship that I never wanted to give up.

He had come back from a weekend away at Atlantic City and after a 20 or 30 minute ride home from the airport he told me the doctor had called him while he was in Atlantic City with the good news that his cancer had NOT returned. I asked him why he hadn't called me and shared that with me right after the doctor called so I didn't have to worry one minute longer than necessary. Ever since he'd been diagnosed with cancer all I'd done is pray for his healing and for our healing for that matter. Back to believing that everything happens for a reason I thought this was to be his turning point.

So, after we returned to my place I couldn't let it go. "How could you not call me to tell me to stop worrying...the cancer wasn't back?" Then this led to his comment, "I think we should just end this." Rather than downplaying the comment like I usually would I said, "I think you are right." And, well, in a nutshell...five years of wonder, learning, growing, traveling, having fun, laughing, curling up on the couch, watching movies, eating dinner at our favorite restaurant, and more came to a hard end.

Unmet needs? The root cause of fighting? I love how the author phrased it because I believe in relationships the author is spot-on. I have a need to be considered, loved, and respected. I do not have a need for someone not caring about my feelings, for someone to be in a relationship for five years with me and not consider me worthy of that important phone call. I realize now that if you are in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs, you have no business being in it.

Two years of reflection have netted me a new outlook. I won't be in a relationship that doesn't meet my needs or one that is emotionally/physically abusive. The self-help books are being shipped out to women in different states and I feel for those women. I hope they find some words within the books that bring comfort, but I hope they find the words within themselves that provide them freedom.

My phone still rings. I'm not sure why. I refuse to sink back down into the pain that answering the phone would bring. He's married - all the more reason he should not call. I've moved on and have learned to value the normalcy of my life with no fighting - all the more reason I should not answer. I think some people that come into our lives we get to hold in our hearts and love forever. We can love them forever and hold onto the dream and the memories, but also at the same time realize that it is not a possible reality.

So, off I ship the self-help collection. I no longer need them.

A House is a Lot of Work

Owning a house means a lot of work. This morning I was laying in bed thinking about everything (past, present, and future) and nothing (meaning moments of serious nothingness) when I received a phone call from my handyman. Kenny had some options to lay out for me on my doors that need replaced and I listened and wrote everything down and told him I'd get back to him. Fiberglass doors, fiberglass doors with wood edges, steel doors, wood doors...ah the list goes on making my mind wonder what is the best option.

I wish my dad lived closer so I could pick his brain about all of this stuff...door choices. But I guess if I figured out how to get bids on a roof and hire a roofer, get the entire house with new carpet and tile, paint the whole place inside and out with family and friends, then I can figure out what doors to buy. While being the one to constantly make every decision can be empowering, it can also be exhausting.

After the doors, the next big project on this house that I want to tackle is the pool deck. I have not started looking into my options yet so if you know anyone that can make a nice pool deck, leave me a note!

Tyler and I will be mowing and weedeating today. Then off to buy lava rock to re-do those flower beds. There is something about sweating your ass off while working outside that is good for the soul. :)

Boating Trip

Our day out on the water last month was like a dream. After just one day on the water, we came back feeling like we had all been on vacation. The day could only be described as: perfection. Marlene is here holding a horseshoe crab shell. Interestingly we found a perfect line of horseshoe crab shells from smallest to largest...like a little family. Check this out!

We drove down off of Marco and saw the Dome Home in ruins. The strangest thing is that years ago I had a newspaper article cut out on this home that showed the before and after pictures. The original photo showed the house prior to the storms and beach errosion. If you search online there are many articles and additional photos of this place. It is a really interesting story. The place is apparently a big hang out with boaters and there is all kind of graffiti written on the interior walls. This was one that caught my eye. I don't think of this quote and really think just about this house, but rather ones own heart. In relationships sometimes we do thoughtlessly tear down another's walls and leave ruins behind.

2 year Break-Up-Aversary

Well, today is July 9th, 2010. It was two years ago today that Nick and I parted ways. Just reflecting on how something that started so great could end so wrong.

I believe in life that everything happens for a reason and in reflection I believe that I came out of that relationship as a more confident and content woman.

In the last year and a half I have worked on a second master's degree and have two classes remaining to complete it. This will open up additional career avenues in the realm of education.

I have recently met the nicest man who treats me better than anyone else ever has.

My kids are doing wonderful. Brianna is heading into her third year of college and Tyler will be a junior in high school.

Life is good, in fact, life is great. Occasionally though, one can't help but think back to the times in between the bad ones and reminisce about what you thought would be...though it never will.

Update on Blind Date

Well, I have to say the blind date was a great success! Not that I matched two people but the four of us actually had a great time bowling and eating nachos and wings. She had a scare when he didn't show up on time but turned out he misunderstood and went to the wrong bowling alley. Now, it turns out that he has asked her out on a second date for breakfast and a walk on the beach tomorrow morning. No rockets glaring, but hey, maybe the two of them will become great friends or even more. He's such a nice guy and she's such a nice girl...who knows? Okay, I don't ever need to play matchmaker again so I guess I can kind of cross that off of my to do list. :)

Awesome Party

Yesterday ended up being a really joyful day that ended very sadly. We had about 44 people show up to the dual-birthday bash for Brianna and Adam. The little kids swam in the pool, played limbo, musical chairs and stomp the balloon. The older kids played on Brianna's new wii and everyone seemed to have a great time. There were more adults than kids especially considering that Brianna and all her friends are now 20 years old. Crazy.

The saddest time of the evening had to come sooner or later and that is when we were all parting ways. My friend, Mike, and his kids are moving back to Minnesota and the kids don't want to go. I'm not sure Mike does either but financially it is the smart thing for him to do. The kids will adjust but it will be tough on them for a while. Half of their family lives in South Florida. Many tears were shed and lots and lots of hugs were given. Even today I feel a loss of what I consider to be my family as they have driven out and are already hours up the road. We all wish them the best.

Thanks to the girls for helping me clean up. It made this morning so much more relaxing. I have about 5 hours of homework to do today but even better than that...I am heading out for a double date. I've set a co-worker of mine up on a date with a guy I know and I'm hoping our lunchtime date goes great and they hit it off. I've never played matchmaker before...ever...so this should be quite interesting.

Except for exhaustion from yesterday and that darn homework, today should be a great day! What if they hit it off and end up dating? Or, of course, they may meet, not click, and go their separate ways. Either way is great...we should have a lot of fun seeing what the outcome is. :)

The Weekend

Well, my daughter is turning 20 this weekend. Kind of blows me away. Where have 20 years gone? All I know is that through 20 years she has developed into the kind of person that she wants to be. She's headstrong, direct, morally focused, academically focused, smart, funny, and beautiful. Oh, and so much more than any of that...she cares...not just about herself but everyone else. She's amazing. So, in celebration of her birthday this weekend, we're having a big party at the new house.

Not only are we celebrating Brianna's birthday, but we are celebrating Adam's birthday...and sort of having a farewell party to Adam's family. My friend, Mike, and his three kids are moving back to Minnesota on Sunday, so Saturday will be our last chance to see them for probably a very long time.

Brianna and Adam share a birthday and upon talking to my neighbor I found out that they share that birthday with her husband so, what the heck, we invited them as well.

We're expecting around 35 - 40 people so we should have a house full and oh also, Tyler is dogsitting for a week for not one, but two dogs. Oh the joy never ends.

Saying farewell will be sad as I've known the kids since the minute they were born and even longer I've known Mike since around 1984. Mike lost his wife 4 years ago to cancer and will now move back home to the embrace of his family.

So, tonight we're all going shopping for the big day - Brianna's 20th birthday. I just still can hardly believe it.